#2?

I was catching up on my blog updates when I read a post from one of the blogs I follow. It was a little ironic because she was discussing a topic that has been weighing heavily on my mind lately. Even more ironic was the fact that just yesterday I was just discussing my feelings of "guilt" with friends in regard to wanting a second child. I remember feeling some resentment while on our first journey to adopt Collin against people who already had a child. I remember thinking-you already have one and I don't-I just want a child, is that too much to ask? I remember thinking that if we just had one child we would be happy and satisfied and never want for more. But, here we are discussing adding to our family once again. That puts us in the position of those people I once resented. I have such mixed emotions. A part of me wonders if I could ever love another child the way I love Collin. I would never want to shortchange him or another baby. On the other hand I remember having some doubts in the beginning about bonding and if I would feel love for a baby I didn't give birth to. Don't get me wrong, we were committed to Collin but I think having never experienced a child or adoption before that those are perfectly normal feelings. Then I recall seeing Collin for the first time and knowing that he was our child-there was absolutely no doubt. Any fears I had were immediately erased and I actually felt foolish for even feeling that way. So it is probably safe to assume that I would love a second child in the same way, but at times I feel as if I would be "cheating" on Collin. Those "cheating" feelings seem to be presenting themselves less and less as Collin grows and I begin to see that advantages of him having a sibling. I want for him to have that relationship in his life. It is completely different from the love of a parent and I really want him to experience that.

I also fear ruining the great thing that we have going right now. Would it change the dynamic too much? Would it be too stressful with 2 kids running around? Change is always scary. But, being parents has been such a blessing for Wyatt and I. He is a great and completely involved dad. We love our family and the time we get to spend together. Collin absolutely LOVES when Peyton comes to visit. He plays with him non-stop and seems so happy to have someone besides us to play with. He also really loves his cousins and misses them a lot.


And so it seems that we may be beginning a new journey and writing the story of another child's life. How will it happen? I am not sure. Sometimes, I wish it was easier and we could just get pregnant like others rather than planning and saving...and saving some more. Fortunately, I think I have realized the value of the "journey" to a child and how it becomes the "story" of their life-but it doesn't make it any easier! This is all part of the process. I remember so well the trials and tribulations of finally arriving at Collin but I know it was right and I know we followed a path that was "meant to be". At this point, I feel less stressed over the possibilities than I did the first time around. We have Collin and if we are meant to have another child it WILL happen. If it doesn't, I'm okay with that too. There are so many directions this road could take us and I'm happy to take the ride. Who knows, maybe this is the beginning of my documentation of "The Story of #2".

Feel free to comment on your thoughts about adding another child to the family. How has it worked for you?

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Yes, I know it is Sunday but I was out of town-Sorry.This one was so cute I just couldn't skip it! Conveniently, just in time for St. Patrick's Day this became Collin's favorite hat.




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