Since arriving home from the RMI, we have had a couple of weeks to stay off work and enjoy being home together. It has been very nice to say the least and a very good opportunity for us to bond as a family. Quite frankly, I am not looking forward to going back to work at all! I NEVER thought I would say that! It has been so nice spending these last 9 weeks with my family. I never thought I would say that either!LOL There aren't many families that have the opportunity to go to a foreign country for 5 weeks where there is nothing to do but spend time together with no responsibilities or pressures of home and work. As miserable as the trip was at times, it was also a blessing and allowed for some much needed reflection.
Most of the past year prior to this trip I have spent overworked, overstressed and looking back on time wondering where it went. Wyatt and I see each other in passing and communicate through text messages. This trip was going to be the longest amount of time we have spent together EVER! Kind of a scary thought when you really think about it. Not that I don't love my husband or family but work has sometimes been a respite for me.
Now, as our family has grown I know that work will be a burden on Wyatt, me and our kids. I work so many hours and often it leaves Wyatt to take care of Collin and now it will be Collin and Tyler. I felt guilty before but now I'm certain I will feel more guilty than ever. I knew before Tyler came that most likely I could not keep up the pace with a baby and a 4 year old-at least not if I want to see them grow up and keep my husband! =*) Now reality is sinking in. As the time grows closer to the return to the rat race, I feel the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. It's the stress of being pulled in 100 different directions and the pressure of trying to be the the best at everything but not really being good at much of anything because I am spread too thin.
I enjoy all of my roles...at times. I love the feeling of accomplishment at work and but not the constant demand of my time and attention. Especially when I am at home in mom mode, which is very different from work mode. It is hard to be in both roles at once. It would be much easier if there was a dedicated 8 hours to be "work Heather" and the rest of the time I could just be "Mama". The same goes for "Mama" time. I love being with my kids but sometimes I need a mental health break. It is also incredibly difficult to stray from "work" to "Mama" when I get calls from Nana's house that someone is sick or unhappy. But, I also enjoy the accomplished feeling of watching my kids grow and become whatever it is they will become. And therein lies my conflict (and I'm sure that of every other working mother).
Not to mention trying to be a good wife. Relationships are hard work and I think Wyatt and I both know from experience that if you don't put in the work they can slip away very quickly and sometimes you don't see it until it is too late. This trip was an opportunity for us to reconnect and be forced to communicate. I'm the type of person that needs a certain amount of space and "alone" time but it is amazing how much I realized that I love spending time with my husband. I love watching him being a father and seeing that side of him. I'm so glad that he will have the opportunity to shape and mold our sons into the men they will become. And as much as I love "being the boss" and "running everything" I enjoyed joint discussion and making decisions together. Since we have been home we have been doing more things together rather than separately and I really enjoy that. He's still a horrible shopper though-LOL!! But, I know he says the same about me!
I guess this journey, just like Collin's, was a very eye opening experience for me. It was so different in so many ways. Until I really started thinking about it, it seemed like such a miserable experience-other than the fact we got Tyler of course! When I look at this time; what I have learned and what I will be able to take from all of it, it's becoming a much better experience. I think the most important thing I am going to take from it though is that I need to focus on my family first. Work will go on without me if I drop off the face of the earth tomorrow. My family would not.
Friday, July 1, 2011
3 Generations
I know it's far but Collin's Nana (grandmother) and Meme (great-grandmother) walked to the house to pick him up yesterday to go play. I had to run in the house and grab the camera then get back outside with baby in hand! LOL!
I thought it was really cute, Collin on his trike riding between his Nana and Meme. Not to mention the fact that Meme walked all the way to our house and back-she's in her 80's! She has 13 great grand children now and one great-great grand child!
Crazy Cousin Fun
The cousins have moved back to Columbus so they are enjoying lots of summer fun. Today we left the babies at Nana's and took the big kids to the Splash Park in Dublin. They had a great time and the best part is it's FREE!!
Brylie, KC and Collin
Poor Uncle Wyatt!
June Playgroup
We love our playgroup. We belong to a larger group COFLAC (Central Ohio Families with Latin American Children) but it isn't a very active group. We were lucky enough to form a small playgroup of 6-8 kids around the same age and we have managed to keep it going for at least 2 years now. I really look forward to meeting with the group and hearing about their experiences as our kids get older. The kids are getting old enough to start asking questions about adoption and recognize difference so it's great to hear where the other kids are in terms of these issues and share stories. And the kids have a great time playing together. It has been fun watching them grow up and blossoming out of their initial shyness. They are like extended family and it is a great support system for us now and hopefully for the kids in the future.
This month our newest member Olivia and her mom and dad hosted in their beautiful backyard!
Collin giving the "Back away from my baby brother look".
They had an awesome Koi pond in their backyard!
CLOWNS!!!
The group-except for Olivia who didn't want to be in the picture. =*)
It is really funny how we come into each others lives! I meant Olivia and her mom in a very random way. When Collin was in soccer last year there was a little girl from Guatemala on his team briefly. I exchanged emails with her mom and we decided to have a "play date" at the Firefly Cafe in Clintonville. She said she was bringing a friend that had a little girl also from Guatemala.
Our play date seemed as if it wouldn't happen when Collin started coughing and coughed so much threw up all over just as we pulled in the parking lot. I had to get him out and strip him down, ran in and said we had to go because I didn't have a change of clothes. I drove all the way home and Collin flipped out because he wanted to go back and play. We drove back assuming they would be gone but Olivia and her mom were still there. They had a great time playing and that is how it all began!
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