Since arriving home from the RMI, we have had a couple of weeks to stay off work and enjoy being home together. It has been very nice to say the least and a very good opportunity for us to bond as a family. Quite frankly, I am not looking forward to going back to work at all! I NEVER thought I would say that! It has been so nice spending these last 9 weeks with my family. I never thought I would say that either!LOL There aren't many families that have the opportunity to go to a foreign country for 5 weeks where there is nothing to do but spend time together with no responsibilities or pressures of home and work. As miserable as the trip was at times, it was also a blessing and allowed for some much needed reflection.
Most of the past year prior to this trip I have spent overworked, overstressed and looking back on time wondering where it went. Wyatt and I see each other in passing and communicate through text messages. This trip was going to be the longest amount of time we have spent together EVER! Kind of a scary thought when you really think about it. Not that I don't love my husband or family but work has sometimes been a respite for me.
Now, as our family has grown I know that work will be a burden on Wyatt, me and our kids. I work so many hours and often it leaves Wyatt to take care of Collin and now it will be Collin and Tyler. I felt guilty before but now I'm certain I will feel more guilty than ever. I knew before Tyler came that most likely I could not keep up the pace with a baby and a 4 year old-at least not if I want to see them grow up and keep my husband! =*) Now reality is sinking in. As the time grows closer to the return to the rat race, I feel the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. It's the stress of being pulled in 100 different directions and the pressure of trying to be the the best at everything but not really being good at much of anything because I am spread too thin.
I enjoy all of my roles...at times. I love the feeling of accomplishment at work and but not the constant demand of my time and attention. Especially when I am at home in mom mode, which is very different from work mode. It is hard to be in both roles at once. It would be much easier if there was a dedicated 8 hours to be "work Heather" and the rest of the time I could just be "Mama". The same goes for "Mama" time. I love being with my kids but sometimes I need a mental health break. It is also incredibly difficult to stray from "work" to "Mama" when I get calls from Nana's house that someone is sick or unhappy. But, I also enjoy the accomplished feeling of watching my kids grow and become whatever it is they will become. And therein lies my conflict (and I'm sure that of every other working mother).
Not to mention trying to be a good wife. Relationships are hard work and I think Wyatt and I both know from experience that if you don't put in the work they can slip away very quickly and sometimes you don't see it until it is too late. This trip was an opportunity for us to reconnect and be forced to communicate. I'm the type of person that needs a certain amount of space and "alone" time but it is amazing how much I realized that I love spending time with my husband. I love watching him being a father and seeing that side of him. I'm so glad that he will have the opportunity to shape and mold our sons into the men they will become. And as much as I love "being the boss" and "running everything" I enjoyed joint discussion and making decisions together. Since we have been home we have been doing more things together rather than separately and I really enjoy that. He's still a horrible shopper though-LOL!! But, I know he says the same about me!
I guess this journey, just like Collin's, was a very eye opening experience for me. It was so different in so many ways. Until I really started thinking about it, it seemed like such a miserable experience-other than the fact we got Tyler of course! When I look at this time; what I have learned and what I will be able to take from all of it, it's becoming a much better experience. I think the most important thing I am going to take from it though is that I need to focus on my family first. Work will go on without me if I drop off the face of the earth tomorrow. My family would not.
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Guatoberfest Cruise 2009
My soapbox about the Advent Conspiracy
I came across this video on another blog. I have to admit I only looked at it for entertainment value. I assumed with a title like that, it had to be some wacko conspiracy theory and who doesn't need a good laugh. Suprisingly enough it really touched me and made me think. It didn't grab my interest because of it's religious value, because that's not really my thing. I am not the type of person that flaunts religion or believes in pushing your beliefs onto others. It touched me because of it's human value and because it shows me how quickly I forget.
When we were in Guatemala it was truly a life changing experience for a myriad of reasons, only one of which was bringing home a baby! We saw poverty that we could never imagine in this country. I remember thinking when I was there that despite all of the stress of the situation, I was more at peace than I had ever felt in my life. Among other things, there was no pressure to have more...there was nothing to have. People just lived their lives. Families worked together, lived together in cramped housing-if they had a roof over their heads at all-and they were happy! We were forced to enjoy eachother without our "creature comforts" and I loved it. I now remember hoping that once we got home, I would never lose that idea that we don't really need much at all. I realized our society makes us think we need more but we really don't. And after watching the video it makes me realize that I have failed miserably.
I had made up my mind that in order to honor my new found attitude and our sons heritage, we would sponsor a Guatemalan family every year so that they could have food and heat and their children could go to school-things we take for granted on a daily basis. For some reason I can never seem to find the money to do that- BUT- I can find the money to buy coffee every day, sometimes several times a day, Collin will see a room full of gifts on Christmas morning, I can go out to eat, I can do whatever I want for the most part. My priorities have gone right back to where they were before I experienced Guatemala and it makes me sad. That is the reason that I am posting the video in a permenant spot on the blog, so that I am constantly reminded, not only during Christmas but all year to give PRESENCE to my friends and family not PRESENTS and to give back to something that I feel very strongly about. I don't write this to push Guatemalan charity or any charity but to encourage anyone reading this to slow down and take a look at your life and see what means the most to you and see where it takes you.
When we were in Guatemala it was truly a life changing experience for a myriad of reasons, only one of which was bringing home a baby! We saw poverty that we could never imagine in this country. I remember thinking when I was there that despite all of the stress of the situation, I was more at peace than I had ever felt in my life. Among other things, there was no pressure to have more...there was nothing to have. People just lived their lives. Families worked together, lived together in cramped housing-if they had a roof over their heads at all-and they were happy! We were forced to enjoy eachother without our "creature comforts" and I loved it. I now remember hoping that once we got home, I would never lose that idea that we don't really need much at all. I realized our society makes us think we need more but we really don't. And after watching the video it makes me realize that I have failed miserably.
I had made up my mind that in order to honor my new found attitude and our sons heritage, we would sponsor a Guatemalan family every year so that they could have food and heat and their children could go to school-things we take for granted on a daily basis. For some reason I can never seem to find the money to do that- BUT- I can find the money to buy coffee every day, sometimes several times a day, Collin will see a room full of gifts on Christmas morning, I can go out to eat, I can do whatever I want for the most part. My priorities have gone right back to where they were before I experienced Guatemala and it makes me sad. That is the reason that I am posting the video in a permenant spot on the blog, so that I am constantly reminded, not only during Christmas but all year to give PRESENCE to my friends and family not PRESENTS and to give back to something that I feel very strongly about. I don't write this to push Guatemalan charity or any charity but to encourage anyone reading this to slow down and take a look at your life and see what means the most to you and see where it takes you.
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